Yes

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A few days ago I posted a picture of my hand with a pretty little sapphire engagement ring captioned with the word, ‘yes.’

Life has and continues to move on.

The pendulum has swung from one direction to the other during a time in which I considered whether or not marriage was even something I wanted to do again. After all, I still live in the aftermath of loss, occasionally shouldering the burden of grief that comes from the mending of a broken heart. No one ever said restoration, healing is easy.

But I believe that God comes when we call. In the presence of a friend, in the aroma of a fresh pot of coffee perfectly timed to greet us in the morning, in the strength that is somehow found to carry on, even when it’s just barely–God shows up. God isn’t just in the bowed heads and Bible verses. God is in the beside me, before me and under and in the invitation, right when we make it or offer the dare. Each offering, be it love, affection, or a good joke is God’s gift. These are the moments when we gain the momentum to keep going.

‘Yes’ has come to mean a lot more to me than ‘I do.’

I’m saying ‘yes’ to sharing life, ‘yes’ to the uncertainty of commitment, ‘yes’ to the risk that loving another person means. What’s different now perhaps than some twenty years ago is that ‘yes’ means I understand that God’s commitment to me is the only one I can fully count on. And that’s ok. It’s been enough so far to see me through some trying times.

The capacity we each have to heal, to get better, to recover is astounding. What strikes me now as I think about the word, ‘yes,’ is that it’s not the first ‘yes’ I’ve made about my future. The first ‘yes’ was for me: a ‘yes’ for hope, a ‘yes’ for healing, a ‘yes’ to believing that life could still be good. Saying ‘yes’ day after day after day got me here.

So I’m going to keep saying ‘yes’ to believing that something quite savory can come out of the fire. A toast to, ‘yes!’

 

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