There are no do-overs.
There are do-betters, don’t-do-its, do-it-agains.
Everything that has been is done.
Nothing can be re-attempted outside of what is known,
outside the filter of everything that has been before.
And if we give something, anything another whirl,
it will spin differently than the first time.
So in this spirit of resolutions, of aspirations for what-may-come,
I lay down my stubborn will and vein attempts to propel myself
any further than I can get by living everyday within my truth.
I am divorced.
I am a single parent.
I am more and more aware everyday of all the ways
in which I am not loveable and, strangely,
for all of these things I’m learning to love myself more.
I embrace my pear-shaped-rear-end.
I embrace my often colorful language.
I embrace living within and without what is and what was.
I embrace that in this crazy funk which is my past and future
coming to terms with one another,
I still find ways to laugh, to love and steal away peace.
Because life has not quite been what I expected,
And that is an understatement at best.
In this new year I resolve to accept what is
without promising myself to be somewhere else by next year.
Happy New Year.
*This poem was written in December, 2015*